Diary
hello rant time feel free to scroll past now if u like.
i don’t want anyone to get the impression that i am really as confident as it can seem. i LOVE that u can feel self love from my images BUT more often than not posting images of myself is at best an uncomfortable experience. insecurities run deep and it takes a long time to train ourselves to think differently. self portraits started for me as stubbornness and getting impatient with the work i wanted to create and the work i could with the people around me at the time. now it’s an exercise i put myself through when i feel inspired by something and i do it because it DOES make self love easier over time and it expands my acceptance both in photo work and just as a human (coming to terms with your own flaws let’s you interact with the world from a place of compassion blah blah).
but i don’t want anyone confusing that this comes naturally, or is always easy for me. the self talk is harsh. looking over images at first and finding ones that speak to my insecurities hurts. but it IS overall a positive thing for me and “fake it til u make it” is real folks. I’ve gained real confidence by putting myself out into the world as if i had that confidence to begin with. i didn’t. i hope my images never become a source of the same comparative negative nonsense that i put myself through. i feel that so hard. if anyone has felt negative about themselves when looking at my photos PLEASE try not to and im sorry. these are little curated glimpses of the way i like to portray myself and don’t reflect how i feel about myself most of the time. BUT they’ve also helped me to feel genuinely good and comfortable with myself (lol work in progress) and i am thankful for that. YOU ARE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL and however you need to express yourself to make you believe it too is the right way.
i don’t know if this post is more positive or negative but i think it’s important u know where im coming from. maybe I’ll expand on this later. ☠️🖤
self portraits in Los Angeles, CA. March 2018. Developed and scanned by @indiefilmlab. #35mm (at Los Angeles, California)
https://www.instagram.com/p/BqAcrMal5Mt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=h9yfy6u6famc
